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FAIR TRADE - MY POP
2008-08-21 17:43:48
First:
FOOTBALL STARTS IN SEVEN DAYS WHY ARE YOU READING THIS YOU SHOULD BE PSYCHING YOURSELF UP FOR SOUTH CAROLINA VS. NORTH CAROLINA STATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Second:
PHOO! I'm busy. (You don’t care.)
So my mom calls me this week. Someone told her that they liked my blog. That was nice.
Then the other night, while I was watching "Annie Hall" (and thinking about football), my dad calls me. Went something like:
NATE: Yo!
POP: Naaaaaate.
NATE: Hey, Pop!
POP: How do I read your blog?
NATE: How?
POP: Somebody told me it was good. But I’m readin’ it an’ I don’t get it.
NATE: It’s about comics.
POP: Oh. (pause) Well, I’m gonna read it anyway.
Then I tried to explain Fair Trade in football terms, and he got it, but there’s still no way he’s going to know what the heck most of my entries mean.
So I’m taking that to heart, and I now promise that I will mostly NOT talk about comics, so that my parents can understand what I’m talking about on my blog. Comics’re like kids: They should be read and not blogged. I’ll still do Fair Trade and Jordan Explains, but that’s it!
And now, in honor of Pop, I will present a Fair Trade of who I think HE would want Marvel to acquire, and what he should give away to get them:
1. RUSSELL CROWE from "A GOOD YEAR." Me and Pop love this movie. Crowe’s all snotty and British and then he goes to France and gets a hot French girl and a vineyard/villa and finds peace by living in Provence and…y’know, having 50 million dollars. Shame on all of you for watching worthless action movies when this gem’s just sitting there on the shelf, waiting to be rented. I’ll trade Daredevil for him. He’s a jerk too.
(POP: Daredevil is a whiny redheaded lawyer blind guy that dresses in a leotard and beats up people because he’s self-absorbed and can’t keep his girlfriends from dying.)
2. REESE WITHERSPOON’S DAD from "SWEET HOME ALABAMA." My parents have seen this movie at least 75 times. And they laugh hysterically every time they see it or talk about it. I think Reese’s dad is their favorite, because he’s proud of his recliner and eats bologna loaf. The dad’s not that much in demand, so let’s trade Jarvis for him.
(POP, Jarvis is the butler for The Avengers. The Avengers is a team of super heroes that stand around and talk a lot.)
3. THE MISSISSIPPI STATE BULLDOGS FOOTBALL TEAM. They’re wily and play better when people ring cowbells in the stands. They also haven’t had an offense in about seven years. So in honor of them being young, and the fact that they make pretty good money in ticket sales, and ESPN usually gives them good TV coverage, I’ll trade the youth-people platter of Young Avengers, Runaways, New Warriors, Loners, Power Pack, the original New Mutants and Cloak & Dagger. And what the heck…the Fantastic Four too.
(POP: You have no need to know who any of these people are. I’ll tell you about the Teen Titans someday. They’re very cool.)
4. THE IRON MAN TRIATHLON. My parents are the most awesome athletes I know. They run marathons and bike and swim. Ma is constantly winning her age group in competitions (but she never tells anyone). I think I could get them to read a comic if it was all about someone training to do one of the hardest competitions in the world. Tell ya what, we’ll trade Iron Man straight up for the triathlon.
(POP: They made a movie out of Iron Man recently. Robert Downey Jr. pretended to be as tall as Gweneth Paltrow for two hours, then an energy donut exploded and the movie was over.)
5. SEABISCUIT from SEABISCUIT. This is the only movie starring Tobey Maguire that I’ve ever liked. Me and Pop have watched this movie about three times while riding stationary bikes (hey, y’gotta do something on a stationary bike). The horse is the real star, though (and would probably be more believable as Spidey, come to think of it). Factoring in race winnings, book sales and movie residuals, I think it’s safe for Marvel to trade away Thor. He’s kinda popular, but just unknown enough to equal a famous horse.
(POP: Thor’s a god that controls thunder and has a hammer. Currently, he wears pajamas when he fights.)
-FINAL TRADE ANALYSIS-
1.
DAREDEVIL
for RUSSELL CROWE from "A GOOD YEAR"
2.
JARVIS
for REESE WITHERSPOON’S DAD from "SWEET HOME ALABAMA"
3.
YOUNG AVENGERS / RUNAWAYS / NEW WARRIORS / LONERS / POWER PACK / NEW MUTANTS / CLOAK & DAGGER / FANTASTIC FOUR
for THE MISSISSIPPI STATE BULLDOGS FOOTBALL TEAM
4.
IRON MAN
for THE IRON MAN TRIATHLON
5.
THOR
for SEABISCUIT
So uh...
Will you start a Q&A session like Brevoort did?
Posted by Aziroth on 2008-08-21 19:43:06
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About this blog:
This is a blog for kids, featuring ONLY comics (and maybe movies and tv shows and GASP! books) that are for kids. You can keep your World War Hulks and your Civil Wars and your Punishers...let's have some fun! I'm bringin' over Spidey and Thor and we're havin' a PILLOW FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!!!!
 | About the author:
Nathan Cosby has somehow managed to become an assistant editor at Marvel Comics. He can make helicopter sounds with his tongue and edits Power Pack, Marvel Adventures Fantastic Four, Spider-Man Family and helps with all the other All-Age stuff. He is really good-looking and likes Gummi Bears.
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